choose joy.

sometimes i think we are our biggest critics.  at least i know that is the case for me.  you can't tell me something about myself or my faults that i haven't already thought about.  i have probably stayed up late at night, restless in bed, thinking about what a fool i made out of myself today for this, that or the other.  and recently, one of those things has been my negativity.  i feel as though everything that has come out of my mouth has been negative, and i'm not unhappy.  i've actually been very content recently.  i mean, sure we all have our moments, but the majority of my life has been so good recently. 

therefore, i have come to the realization that sometimes one must just choose joy.  sometimes i have to remind myself that i am happy and i need to make sure my words and actions are expressing this happiness.  in the down moments, it's easy to get caught up in the moment or the temporary emotion and i find that while the emotion only lasts for a few moments, the words and actions don't stop; a major disconnect between mind, body and soul.  not cool.

so many times i open this window and all i can think to write about is how negative my friend is being or how annoying my housemate is being or how much homework i have to do or how ugly the weather is, but there are so many good things going on too.  why is it so hard to rejoice in the good moments?  why is it so hard to admit that things are going great, i'm happy, i have a lot to do but i'm embracing it because i'm here, i'm warm (or cool), i'm alive, i have food, water, and shelter, i have friends that love me, a family that supports me, teachers that care about me and want to see me succeed, etc?  i don't know.  i'm going to work on it...

...because i'm choosing joy.