learn something!

Yesterday afternoon, my roommate was standing in the room trying to remember what she was looking for (this is a common occurrence), and out of no where she started to sing. I'm probably dating myself here (so young or so old?), but do you guys remember PB&J Otter? My roommate, all 5'10" of her, was standing by her desk doing the Noodle Dance. It was quite the sight to see.

Obviously(!!!), this called for some youtube so we could hear the actual version and relive our childhoods and eventually, led me to the Arthur Theme Song. Have you ever listened to the lyrics? You may laugh, but the world could learn something from that... aardvark?

Everyday when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet

Has an original point of view

And I say HEY! (HEY!) what a wonderful kind of day.

Where you can learn to work and play

And get along with each other

You got to listen to your heart

Listen to the beat

Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street

Open up your eyes, open up your ears

Get together and make things better

By working together!

It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

Believe in yourself (echo: believe in yourself)

Well that's the place to start (to start)

And I say HEY! (HEY!)what a wonderful kind of day

Where you learn to work and play

And get along with each other

hey what a wonderful time of day hey!

piggy bank.

i just bought this.

you should be jealous.  very, very jealous.

unhappiness.

there isn't much left that is redeeming about this place. i used to talk about how much i loved it, what a second home it is, blah blah blah. today, i'm just not feeling that though. its my first full day back from break, the day before classes start again and there is no excitement. i'm sitting in my room with the door shut, my music on, and praying the days away until july 2 when i can go home.

i seem to be living in a pervasive mood of unhappiness. i never felt that way at home. some may say it's homesick but it really isn't. being home was nice but it wasn't the end all be all to my happiness. it was just the place of escape from this place. i stopped at my friend's college. i was happy there. i went to open houses, unfamiliar places, and i was happy there. we're getting ready to sell the house i lived in for most of my life and i was still happy.

today, i'm not very happy though. i enjoy my classes. my professors aren't half bad. i have a few awesome friends. but besides that, i can't wait to get out of here. the sooner the better. this institution is no longer a place full of excitement and fond memories, but instead something i LONG to put in the past.

sometimes things seem sweeter in hindsight. you know?

ride of your life!

Wishing on a shooting star
But dreams alone won't get you far
Can't deny your feelings anymore
The world is waiting right outside your door
What are you waiting for?

Come on, here's your chance
Don't let it slip right through your hands
Are you ready for the ride of your life?
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in and
Get ready for the ride of your life
The ride of your life

In your heart, you know what must do
You've only got yourself to answer to
Don't let fear of fallen hold you down
Your spirit's flying high above the clouds
You're glory bound

Come on here's your chance
Don't let it slip right through your hands
Are you ready, for the ride of your life
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in and
Get ready for the ride of your life

You are on your way no looking back
There's no future living in the past
You're free at last yeah
You're free at last

Come on here's your chance
Don't let it slip right through your hands
Are you ready for the ride of your life yea
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in and
Get ready for the ride of your life
Ride of your life

Come on, come on get ready
Yea, yea, yea
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in
Get ready for the ride of your life.

--John Gregory

clarity.

glasses are a great thing. there is something about seeing with great clarity that is so refreshing. seriously. i've gone through life and i've managed to survive with the hazy look, enough so that i never wore my glasses. there are perks to a hazy world, not paying attention to small defects in life, not seeing every flaw in everything.

but clairty! there is nothing like it. it's so nice to see the crisp edge of letters, words, doors, cars, LIFE. its so nice to soak up the little things -- the scratch on my car, the dent in my bedroom wall, the tiny drip of paint on my mother's favorite wall paper. mmm, clarity.

i got six pairs of glasses today. no joke. the most important pair was my bifocals. i'm a granny, seriously. but of course, those had to be ordered so i won't have them for a few weeks. i went to the store and bought cheap reading glasses to last me until then.

LOVE new glasses. does that make me weird?

i'm gonna miss this!

quirky!

one of my [many] quirks is the fact that i have to have my room clean before i leave on vacation. it is probably because my mom was this way, but it drives me absolutely bonkers to come back to a dirty place.

so, this morning before i left, i made sure my desk and closet were clean and organized. i spent a few minutes wiping the dust off my desk. i was thorough, very thorough. i went over my packing list time and time again. i had everything. i was confident.

i got on the road a little earlier than expected, due to the fact that i had originally factored in going to class (oops!). i woke up too late to make it there and instead prepared for the long trek home. i mentioned that i reviewed my packing list 10386 times, right?

about an hour out, as i was merging onto the major highway -- it struck me. i forgot my textbook. i need my textbook. i have an exam the day after i get back. awesome. did i turn around? no. but i have to go back a day early to make sure i get enough studying in.

all that trouble cleaning and packing and checking and rechecking and i STILL forgot something. it never fails. ughhh.

st. patrick's day.

confrontation.

in the last day, i've learned a lot about confrontation. the first thing? i'm not good at it. direct confrontation, that is. i'd prefer to make things better by just developing a solution or joking about it. i don't want to sit down and hash it out in a serious tone. it's just not the way i typically jive.

i'm not good at direct confrontation. i'm good at pointing the finger at everyone but myself. some people weren't raised with the same core values/practices i was. i'm uncomfortable being left alone with a 27-year old man i don't know. what is important to me isn't necessarily important to everyone else. perception plays a huge role in every situation; perceptions can be very different. i feel awkward when two people are on top of each other half naked. i like clean kitchens. lack of confrontation means getting away with whatever you want. life isn't about perfection; it's about compromise. owl city is easy to get lost in.

give me Jesus.

it's probably best i just post this...

i'll write a real post tomorrow.

dance marathon.

dance marathon is over. 24 hours of standing. mediocre music. unidentifiable food. camp games. anything to pass the time. but all of it dedicated to raising money for children that spend time in the hospital. it doesn't matter how tired you get, how badly your feet hurt, if its sunny outside or night. it all pales in comparison to what the miracle children have been through.

i didn't participate all 24 hours. i went for a few hours here and there. it wasn't until the last eight hours that i forced myself to stay. it didn't matter that my feet hurt. or i was tired. the point of the marathon was not about how miserable i was. the meaning of dance marathon goes deeper than that. unfortunately, it took about 22 hours for the concept to truly sink in.

there is something bigger and better out there than me. than the school i attend. there is hurt out there that goes deeper than anything i've experienced. my life is really quite peachy. i wasn't shaken by a care provider, my child wasn't either. i didn't have a brain tumor removed from my head that was the size of a baseball by age 3. i've never been hospitalized.

listening to several miracle children and their families speak throughout the 24 hours reminded me of the care my dad received in the hospital. he had doctors and nurses that were out-of-this-world awesome and accommodating. it was rough for a grown man to be hospitalized and yet, these kids have known hospitalizations from a very early age.

there is only so much that bricks and mortar can do. the quality of a hospital stay is determined by the personalities, minds, and hearts of doctors, nurses, food services, chaplains, security personnel, valets, etc. unfortunately, all of these things cost money. i remember the cost of my dad's hospital stay. it was outrageous. and yet some of these kids have had multiple hospital stays as long as his. THEN it sank in.

how much money do i spend at the grocery store every week? do i really need that people magazine? how often do i stop for fast food? how many movies have i bought just because they were five dollars? my money could go a lot further if i didn't spend it on myself. there are so many better causes to spend it on and ultimately, i'd probably be happier.

just a lot to think about. so many things i want to help with. i don't know where to start, how to help to the best of my ability. it's been a good week and i'm forever grateful for the reminders i've received. and to think, i learned so much while hanging out with some awesome friends. :)

trouble sleeping.

It's late and I'm feeling so tired

Having trouble sleeping.

This constant compromise

Between thinking and breathing.

Corrine Bailey Rae

love.

stand.

Open dark eyes when it gets so late
When the light feels heavy, but the thought can't wait
Stand.

Light an old candle, with a pinhead wick
A blanket in hand on the floor you sit
Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
Cause this is life, you are living it right now

An overcast Sunday and a grocery sack
Splashing through puddles on a long walk back
Stand.

You're stopped for a moment while a hearse rolls by
You shed a few tears but you don't know why
Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
Cause this is life, you are living it right now

So won't you Stand.

Go on and tell yourself stories when the sleep won't fall
When you think you hear steps at the end of the hall
Let yourself shiver when the night gets cold
When you whisper goodbye but you can't let go
Won't you Stand.
Won't you Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
This is life, you are living it right now
This is life, we are living it right now
This is life, we are living it...

Let yourself go in the songs you sing,
Let them move you to love, or stop you to think...

--Beau Bristow

tarzan!

I'm missing this critter right about now!

foggy?

it's foggy outside. really foggy. eerily foggy. foggy to the point that i wouldn't walk outside alone. it has taken over everything. it is a blanket over the chaos of this world and for once, it seems silent. there is something about fog that is so nice. i love fog in the morning, a fresh reminder of a new day and clean slate. and that has me thinking...

maybe this fog is to clean the slate tonight. i went to dinner. i spent 3 hours venting about anything and everything. i rolled my eyes at a few things, glared at a few people, pretended to vomit when i saw some girls. i'm hoping this fog is God's way of saying, "you are forgiven." 'cause we all know i could really use forgiveness.

i'm really needing God right now. i'm desperate to find Him everywhere and i think this intentional thinking has been good for my soul. it is so easy to mark things off as coincidence or luck, but God has a hand in these things and sometimes i just need a reminder.

dear God,
thanks for your reminders, even if they do come in the form of eerie fog.
love, me

who are you?

What is is it that you stand for? What is something you are passionate about? Do you have a strong opinion about something that you just won't change?

I hope the answer is "yes" to at least one of those questions. While it may be unhealthy to take any of these situations to the extreme, I believe it is an important part of life.

I stand for adoption. I love it. I have three cousins that are adopted and I love each of them for their quirky personality and their differences. I couldn't imagine my life without them as a part of my family. While I understand adoption is something that isn't right for everyone, I believe that God has a heart for the orphan and I feel that I will most likely adopt.

Six years ago, I came up with the perfect idea to start a orphanage run by myself and cousins. I was going to be the teacher, one cousin was going to design the building, another be the nurse, a third be the social worker, so on and so forth. It all works so well with all our callings and I love that. It is a dream that I hope one day can be fulfilled.

In the meantime though, I feel strongly about having a definite opinion. The past year I have really struggled with trying to pin down what it is that sets me off about one of my friends. Love the person to pieces, but there has just been something that has been driving me batty. And today, it hit me...

They appear to be so uneducated/inexperienced with so many life issues that they believe anything that is presented to them. When we have conversations, I feel as though I am being fed exactly what they think I want to hear. I can not recall a single serious conversation I have ever had with them. It's all trivial about what was read on the internet or heard on MTV. I've never heard them talk about a class they like or anything that they feel strongly about.

To a degree, I'm sad. I want them to have that passion in life. That one thing that they strive to achieve. I want them to experience the love for a class or a calling that I do. Who knows, maybe they do and they just don't know how to express it. I understand that what I desire isn't what everyone else desires. If everyone in the world became a Special Ed teacher with a heart for the orphan, well, there wouldn't be a need for a Special Ed teacher. There would be no orphans. I understand that we are all different.

But, please, have an opinion. Be passionate about something. Get comfortable in your own skin and let me learn a little something about you. Just you. Plain old you. Not the you that you want me to think you are. I don't like that person.

minor addiction.