yes it is.

i have felt like i am going to vomit all day.  and for those of you who have spoken to me at all in the last 6 months know how much i love vomit.  i don't.  at all.  gahhhh....

as good as it felt to hand that letter over, i'm shakin' in my boots.  i hate being vulnerable and yet vulnerability is what might actually get me somewhere.  i said what i needed to say.  i was nice.  it was heartfelt.  it was the complete and utter truth.  whatever comes of it, comes of it.  i need to keep reminding myself of the same things Paul told me time and time before.  i can't take steps thinking everything will go back to normal.  things might get better but the old normal will never be the normal again.  i need to caution myself from getting my hopes up, waiting for a response, etc.  but it's hard.  i laid it out on the line and it's awkward to think it might have been read, or it might have not.  and even if it was read, there may never be a response.  humph.

each experience is a learning experience.  even though i don't want to believe it, it is true and i have learned many things and will continue to learn from the experience.  sometimes things don't end as we want them too and no matter what is done, they can not be reversed.  the wishes of one are not the wishes of other and one day, i will come to terms with it.  yep.  one day.  eventually.  in the meantime, i am just going to sit in my house, do my homework for my summer terms, and wish that the last two years of my life played out in a different manner.  life's easier that way.

YES IT IS.

 _____________

rumor has it she got the letter and she appreciated it.  the letter could have gone one of two ways: the positive one it appeared to go or the "omg get out of my life forever" and i'm glad it went the way it did. she talked to at least one of her housemates about it and they said she was very grateful for the letter so... it's over.   now back to your daily programming.