three.

it's the third birthday that i have seen pass without celebration let alone mention.  it's easier that way.  fail to mention it to the others hurting and living in chose oblivion just seems to be better -- easier.  it's to the point that the day arrives and i wonder, if not for the reminder on my phone, would i notice?  i tell myself i would.  i have to.

today was not a bad day.  i was productive.  i got work done.  i enjoyed the company of friends -- most blissfully unaware that anything was happening.  no one wants negative people around and therefore, i tried very hard not to mention it except to select few -- those who tolerate me because they have to.

i understand.  just like i sometimes need to handle it, others handle it the same.  they have to because they've never experienced the pain it entails and they don't wish to add insult to injury.  i get it.  and today i embraced that fact and loved it, something i can't say often. 

it's hard to believe it's been three birthdays.  hmph.