what is hope?

what is "hope"?

my friends and i would argue that it's a college. it's a couple acres of land, some cool buildings, and the recipient of thousands of my dollars. hope is the holder of many memories (whether pleasant or not) and hopefully of many more to come. it is a second home and a safe haven.

it's an uplifting sensation that gives me the motivation to move forward in life, to put one foot in front of the other, and get out of bed each morning. hope plasters a smile on my face in moments when i'd rather just cry, pull my hair out, or scream into my pillow. it is a change of behavior and a new look at life.

as sheila walsh says, "hope requires more than simply clicking red shoes or crossing our fingers. it is a sweet and magnificent benefit of walking with Christ. hope looks at all that is true about the present, lifts the circumstances of life into the tender, loving hands of God -- and exhales in trust."

it's Christmas time!

Put your problems on probation

Run your troubles off the track,

Throw your worries out the window

Get the monkeys off your back.

Silence all your inner critics

With your conscience make amends,

And allow yourself some happiness

It's Christmas time again!

Call a truce with those who bother you

Let all the fighting cease,

Give your differences a breather

And declare a time of peace,

Don't let angry feelings taint

The precious time you have to spend,

And allow yourself some happiness

It's Christmas time again!

Like some cool refreshing water

Or a gentle summer breeze,

Like a fresh bouquet of flowers

Or the smell of autumn leaves,

It's a banquet for the spirit

Filled with family, food and friends,

So allow yourself some happiness

It's Christmas time again!

--Bob Lazzar-Atwood

MERRY CHRISTMAS! :)

and the countdown begins.

so uneasy. so excited. so nervous. so anxious. so upset. so happy. so crazy. so dumb. so exhausted.

...less than 24 hours. ughhhhhhhh.

sync in progress.

sync in progress.

everytime i plug my phone in, that is what it tells me. usually it bothers me. it pops up just as i'm about to do something or seems to stay forever. this morning though, i find it comforting. and it is this comfort that has led me to believe "sync in progress" should be my motto for this year.

i feel so off. i'm not taking a lot of classes. i'm behind on pretty much everything in my life. i'm having a hard time fighting this sinus infection. i'm grieving. i meet with 2 different people every week to make sure i don't go crazy.

this semester is just not ideal. then again, what is "ideal"? i suppose it is a defined by society. what does society deem as "normal" or "ideal"? definitely not my life right now. but then i just plug in my phone and i'm reminded...

sync in progress.

that's what this semester is. i'm getting my ducks in a row. i'm sorting and stapling. i'm figuring this whole "life" thing out. i'm asking the hard questions. i'm working through the rough times. it's not fun. it's not easy. but it has to happen and i'm glad i'm surrounded by the people i am to help me. i think they are a pretty stellar bunch.

so while i try to figure this crazy thing out, i'll just continue to take comfort in my iphone. let's be real -- sometimes i forget i don't need my iphone to breathe. and as it helps me to breathe, it can help me remember my motto this year:

[[sync in progress]]

7:15 am

Beep, beep! Beep!
I'm losing my sweet grip.
Why can't the tone at least be deep?
Beep, Beep! Beep!
The cerebrospinal fluid seeps.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Beep, beep! Beep!
I'm losing my sweet grip.

not much to say.

I have a lot to say but nothing at all. So I'll leave the post with this poem printed in the bulliten at my father's memorial service.

In the bulb there is a flower;

In the seed, an apple tree;

In cocoons, a hidden promise:

Butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter;

There's a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence,

Seeking word and melody;

There's a dawn in every darkness,

Bringing hope to you and me.

From the past will come the future;

What it holds, a mystery,

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning;

In our time, infinity.

In our doubt, there is believing;

In our life, eternity.

In our death, a resurrection;

At the last, a victory

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

Rest in peace, Adella. Rest in peace.

growing up free.

I think growing up is an interesting adventure for everyone. As I'm sure with every sibling rivalry, being the youngest and the only girl meant that I was not only stupid because I was too young but I was also stupid because I was a girl. I could never say the right thing, listen to the right music, or intelligently contribute to any conversation. Of course, this isn't true - or so I keep telling myself. I think I've been able to do a few things right in my time. And, in the end, my brother's were able to "convert" me to their favorite music (kinda)!

I like to think I listen to a wide variety of music. Looking at the playlist I often play, I have Ace of Base and All-American Rejects, Aretha Franklin and the Beatles, Rent and Hairspray, Bon Jovi, High School Musical, Shania Twain, etc. I listen to everything. Laugh at me if you will, but some of the most relaxing music that I love to listen to the most is Celtic Woman. It's old people music (or so my brothers continually tell me) but those girls have outstanding voices. They are so pure and quiet and peaceful.

Before my dad passed away, my parents had offered to host my cousin's wedding reception. As a hostess gift, my cousin and her husband gave my mom two tickets to the Celtic Woman concert. My mom, dad, and I had gone to their first concert a couple years ago and my mom has been dying to go again. They are phenomenal in concert. While there, the released their song: O, America.

Music: William Joseph

Words: Brendan Graham

O, America you’re calling,

I can hear you calling me:

You are calling me to be true to thee,

True to thee… I will be.

O, America no weeping,

Let me heal your wounded heart:

I will keep you in my keeping,

Till there be… a new start.

And I will answer you, and I will take your hand,

And lead you… to the sun:

And I will stand by you…do all that I can do,

And we will be… as one.

O, America I hear you,

From your prairies to the sea,

From your mountains grand, and all through this land,

You are beautiful to me.

And… O, America you’re calling,

I can hear you calling me:

You are calling me to be true to thee,

True to thee… I will be.

And I will answer you, and I will take your hand,

And lead you… to the sun:

And I will stand by you… do all that I can do,

And we will be…as one.

O, America you’re calling…

I will ever answer thee.

The lyrics are what I'm all about too. I am so sick of people recently complaining about this, that, and the other; about how the world is going to hell in a hand basket and America is going to be the one leading. The US has so much to offer and I am so thankful to be living here. I love the freedom I am able to enjoy and I applaud those with the courage to fight for those freedoms. The land is beautiful and the opportunities wonderful (although currently dwindling).

I am proud to be American.

*end rant and end random post*