confrontation.

in the last day, i've learned a lot about confrontation. the first thing? i'm not good at it. direct confrontation, that is. i'd prefer to make things better by just developing a solution or joking about it. i don't want to sit down and hash it out in a serious tone. it's just not the way i typically jive.

i'm not good at direct confrontation. i'm good at pointing the finger at everyone but myself. some people weren't raised with the same core values/practices i was. i'm uncomfortable being left alone with a 27-year old man i don't know. what is important to me isn't necessarily important to everyone else. perception plays a huge role in every situation; perceptions can be very different. i feel awkward when two people are on top of each other half naked. i like clean kitchens. lack of confrontation means getting away with whatever you want. life isn't about perfection; it's about compromise. owl city is easy to get lost in.

give me Jesus.

it's probably best i just post this...

i'll write a real post tomorrow.

dance marathon.

dance marathon is over. 24 hours of standing. mediocre music. unidentifiable food. camp games. anything to pass the time. but all of it dedicated to raising money for children that spend time in the hospital. it doesn't matter how tired you get, how badly your feet hurt, if its sunny outside or night. it all pales in comparison to what the miracle children have been through.

i didn't participate all 24 hours. i went for a few hours here and there. it wasn't until the last eight hours that i forced myself to stay. it didn't matter that my feet hurt. or i was tired. the point of the marathon was not about how miserable i was. the meaning of dance marathon goes deeper than that. unfortunately, it took about 22 hours for the concept to truly sink in.

there is something bigger and better out there than me. than the school i attend. there is hurt out there that goes deeper than anything i've experienced. my life is really quite peachy. i wasn't shaken by a care provider, my child wasn't either. i didn't have a brain tumor removed from my head that was the size of a baseball by age 3. i've never been hospitalized.

listening to several miracle children and their families speak throughout the 24 hours reminded me of the care my dad received in the hospital. he had doctors and nurses that were out-of-this-world awesome and accommodating. it was rough for a grown man to be hospitalized and yet, these kids have known hospitalizations from a very early age.

there is only so much that bricks and mortar can do. the quality of a hospital stay is determined by the personalities, minds, and hearts of doctors, nurses, food services, chaplains, security personnel, valets, etc. unfortunately, all of these things cost money. i remember the cost of my dad's hospital stay. it was outrageous. and yet some of these kids have had multiple hospital stays as long as his. THEN it sank in.

how much money do i spend at the grocery store every week? do i really need that people magazine? how often do i stop for fast food? how many movies have i bought just because they were five dollars? my money could go a lot further if i didn't spend it on myself. there are so many better causes to spend it on and ultimately, i'd probably be happier.

just a lot to think about. so many things i want to help with. i don't know where to start, how to help to the best of my ability. it's been a good week and i'm forever grateful for the reminders i've received. and to think, i learned so much while hanging out with some awesome friends. :)

trouble sleeping.

It's late and I'm feeling so tired

Having trouble sleeping.

This constant compromise

Between thinking and breathing.

Corrine Bailey Rae

love.

stand.

Open dark eyes when it gets so late
When the light feels heavy, but the thought can't wait
Stand.

Light an old candle, with a pinhead wick
A blanket in hand on the floor you sit
Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
Cause this is life, you are living it right now

An overcast Sunday and a grocery sack
Splashing through puddles on a long walk back
Stand.

You're stopped for a moment while a hearse rolls by
You shed a few tears but you don't know why
Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
Cause this is life, you are living it right now

So won't you Stand.

Go on and tell yourself stories when the sleep won't fall
When you think you hear steps at the end of the hall
Let yourself shiver when the night gets cold
When you whisper goodbye but you can't let go
Won't you Stand.
Won't you Stand.

Breathe in, breathe out loud
This is life, you are living it right now
This is life, we are living it right now
This is life, we are living it...

Let yourself go in the songs you sing,
Let them move you to love, or stop you to think...

--Beau Bristow

tarzan!

I'm missing this critter right about now!